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Great Covenant Book of Jokes/Archive 1
This is an archive of older jokes in the Great Covenant Book of Jokes. Jokes Truth: Knock Knock. Elite: Who's there? Truth: Ivan. Elite: Ivan who? Truth: Ivan enormous snake in my pocket. Elite: ... ---- Truth: What do you call a Human? Brute: I don't know. What do you call a Human? Truth: Vermin! ---- J'sta: Knock knock. Truth: Who's there? J'sta: J'sta. Truth: J'sta who? J'sta: J'sta Friendee. Truth: Don't dawdle, come in then. ---- Truth: How many Grunts does it take to screw a lightbulb? 343 Guilty Spark: What? Arbiter: One, to ask a mighty Elite to do it. Truth: No! Five, they all stand on each other's heads. Arbiter: Were it so easy... ---- Truth: Knock knock. Tartare Sauce: Who's there? Truth: Jeff. Tartare Sauce: Jeff who? Truth: Jeff fancy going out tonight? ---- Truth: Knock knock. Mercy: Who's there? Truth: Chester. Regret: Chester who? Truth: Chester minute, don't you know who I am? ---- Truth: What do you call a group of 5 or more Hunters? Johnson: A lot of worms in cans? Truth: No, your death. ---- Gravemind: Knock, knock Truth: Who's there? Gravemind: Do not be afraid. I am peace; I am salvation.I am a timeless chorus. Join your voice with mine, and sing victory everlasting. Truth: What? Gravemind: Uhh, I have candy. Truth: Umm, yummy. Come in. ---- Truth: What do you call an Elite cookie that's not in the Covenant? Tartare Sauce: *sigh* What? Truth: A cook. ---- Truth: What do you call a Greek Spartan? Arbiter: A gladiator? Truth: No, a Greek Spartan! AHAAHHAOHAOHOOHHOAHAIoihaaAHIOHAIOAIH!! Arbiter: Kill me, waste my time not with jokes. ---- Truth: Knock kno- Johnson: Wait, why are you telling all the jokes here? Arbiter: If they qualify as jokes. ---- Truth: Arbiter, you are a loser. Arbiter: Rtas Vadumee is a bigger loser!! HE lost the infinite sucker!! Truth: And you lost Halo. Arbiter: That hurt. ---- Truth: A Grunt, Brute, and Drinol walk into a bar, the Grunt gets a stool, the Brute takes the stool, and the Drinol stays outside. The bartender (Whom is an Elite) then says: We don't serve your kind here, then the Brute grabs the elite and says: I will tear your flesh out, drink your blood, tug out your ears and make you eat them, tear out your skull and sell it on eBay, eat your fingers with salt and ketchup, and suck your- Then the Elite chokes out: I was talking to the Grunt. Arbiter: Were it so boring... ---- Truth: What do you call a stupid loser? Mercy: I don't know. What? Truth: "Regret". ---- Truth: How many Grunts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 343 Guilty Spark: According to your previous answer to this incorrect scenario, "5". Truth: No, one to go ask a mighty Brute to do it. Arbiter: And so, you must be silenced. Arbiter stabs Truth with his Death Stick. ---- Truth: How many Grunts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Arbiter: I don't really care, Prophet Truth: If it's 343 Guilty Spark, none! He's already screwed up! Hahahahhahaah!!! Eyeball 3000 shoots Truth with his wanna-be Spartan Laser. Arbiter shoots Truth with a Carbine until it misfires and blasts his eye out. ---- Truth: What do you call a giant Human in green armor? Brute: I don't know, great hierarch. What is the answer? Truth: I don't know you buffoon! That's why I asked you. Grunt Demon. Ahh! ---- Truth: What is in the middle of "The Great Journey"? Brute: Once we arrive, you will be. Truth: No you imbecile! It's a "t". ---- Truth: Why did MB cross the road? Brute: Why are you using forum speak? Truth: To JOIN the other side! HAHAHAHA... ---- Truth: Why Caboose is the most bad ass character? Johnson: Why you little! Imma the most badass character! chokes Truth. Truth: I *erghh* just want *arghh* the answ- *arghhh herghh ah...* ---- Master Chief: Haha! I shall now throw dust in your eyes! Marine: Damn you! I can't see! D'am-U 'Icantsee: Yes? ---- Truth: How many grunts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Arbiter: According to the last time you made this joke - "1". Truth: Wrong! The answer is "8". One to notice that the bulb needs to be changed, five to stand on each other's heads to unscrew the old one, one to get a new bulb and the last one to call a mighty Brute to screw in the ligthbulb. Arbiter: Grrrrrr... Arbiter stabs Truth in the same place with his Death Spoon. ---- Truth: How many grunts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Arbiter: Let me guess - "8". Truth: Wrong! The answer is "0". They don't need a lightbulb - they can use a flashlight. Arbiter: Arrrrrrggggggg....does anyone have a Plasma Pistol so that I may end these bad excuses of jokes? Random Grunt: We're out of Plasma Pistols - 117 took all of them so that he can sell them on the Black Market to buy a new armour. Arbiter: Next time I'll kill both him and this Prophet of Lame. ---- Zuka 'Zamamee: Hey, D'am-U 'Icantsee. D'am-U 'Icantsee: Excuse me? Zuka 'Zamamee: What, D'am-U? D'am-U 'Icantsee starts brawling with Zuka 'Zamameee. ---- Truth: How many grunts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Arbiter: Let me guess - "0". If its wrong I'm going to rip your tiny head. 343 Guilty Spark: Please! Let me kill him like I did to the imbecile human. Truth: How many grunts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Its eight... John-117: I'm back with a MJOINR C! Grunt: Oh goodie! Now we can kill him! Brute: Let the Great Journey begin! Truth: AHHH! STOP KILLIN' ME! ---- Truth: How many... Arbiter: Wait, wait, wait. Is this another one of those stupid grunt and lightbulb jokes? Truth: Well... kinda. Arbiter draws his Energy Sword. Truth: Wait! Can I just say this joke? Arbiter: Fine. But do it quick - the battery of my Energy Sword needs to be recharged. Truth: How many 117s does it take to screw a lightbulb? The answer is *drum roll music*... "1". One to contact Cortana to tell her to get into the system and get the old bulb to shine again. Arbiter: From all other stupid jokes you made, this was the stupidest. Heck, that's not even funny. I'm getting out of here. John-117: Grrrr... *waves fist* ---- Truth: Did anyone notice that I didn't get hurt in the last joke? Truth's chair thingy malfunctions and he shoots straight up through the attic. Truth: Me and my big mouth. In the corner of the room, Chief and Cortana highfive. ---- Truth: Again, how many grunts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Master Chief: Your technology is so great, yet you still have lightbulbs? Truth: Um, well no... Master Chief: So, as a warning, there is no need for anymore lightbulb jokes (I know where live.) ---- Truth: What do you call a grunt that doesn't scream "yay!" and doesn't shoot confetti from his mouth when given a headshot. Master Chief: I don't know, but the player didn't have the Grunt Birthday Party skull on. Truth: ....What? ---- Truth: Knock knock. Grunt: Who's there? Truth: Boo. Grunt: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (Faints) Truth: ...oops... Guilty Spark: ...That wasn't supposed to happen. ---- Truth: How many gr- Arbiter stabs Truth. ---- Truth: How many gr- Truth is stabbed several times by a energy sword, run over by a ghost, and blown up into the air by a fuel rod gun ---- Truth: What do you call a grunt eating a french fry? Arbiter: This better not be lame Truth: A joopankifrikag! Hahahahahahahaha! Arbiter: ... That was random. In fact, that doesn't make any sense. Truth Okay, then I'll tell another one. How many gr- Truth is shot several times by a spiker, run over by a banshee and sent flying with a gravity hammer ---- Truth: What birthday present does a prophet give? Master Chief: A shiny new assault rifle that actually does damage? Truth: No, AIDS! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha - uh oh. Truth is shot several times with a battle rifle, run over by a warthog and blown to pieces by a shotgun at close range ---- Truth: What do you call a squad of marines? Johnson: A badass? Truth: No, n00bs! Hahahahahahahaha! Squad of marines: Grrrr... Truth: Uh oh...er....BRUTES SAVE ME! HELP! Truth is shot several times by a M6D pistol, run over by a mongoose and given a direct headshot by a sniper rifle ---- Truth:'What do you call a spartan that can cook? '''Arbiter:'Do I really care? 'Truth:'The Master CHEF!!! HAHAHAHAHA 'Arbiter:'And so you must be sile... wait a minute, that was actually funny. *head explodes* ---- 'Truth:'What is the difference between Cortana and Madonna? '''Cortana: I have no idea Truth: Madonna sings better Cortana: *crashes the Pillar Of Autumn on Truth, then she detonats the fusion reactors and vaporise Truth*.